nternational Women's Day: here to pop your balloon on IWD 😝 not gonna lie, things are stacked against small businesses and we're all struggling right now
Between absorbing inflation, non-stop supply shortages, and the annual mid-winter upstate slump, many of us are having a particularly difficult time trying to run our individual shows
Spoke with a few ladies who own food businesses over the past couple days and we're all beat
The relentless pivoting and adaptation and creativity (when all we want to do is dial it in) gets exhausting
But we're all doing what we love, riiiight? 🤣👌
Running a business in a pandemic with the world being on the verge of a hot war feels like a lot
We were negotiating details on a space where we could bake, offer classes, do community dinners, and just have a kitchen that is not in our home (btw those baked goods are made in our house). This was the third year we were trying to make it work in this specific location and the owner pulled out...again
This has happened to us so many times over the decade since I've started Happy Belly
Probably thankful considering that rising gas prices will effect all of our supplies, shipping costs, and delivery costs. Maybe we dodged a bullet 🤷♀️ but it seems like I say that every time
Honestly it feels like we take 2 steps forward and 5 steps back
The $ needed to run, fund, and grow a food business is out of reach for many of us so we keep staying small
We wanted to buy an 800sqft building which was relatively affordable. Commercial loans require 25% down which meant $30k. Plus $10k for closing costs, tax amortization, lawyers, and permits. Plus the kitchen buildout at about $15k (if we budget) between equipment and labor. All to get into a $120k building (while funding operating expenses and not trying to temporarily close). Can't afford that, so we're left to the instability of renting
This is why small businesses go out of business. The movement upward cuts out many people who don't have access to funds
So fucking hug your fav small business owner the next time you see her because the weight of keeping things together in this climate are suffocating her more than you can imagine
boundaries might be bullshit
new shipping stickers ❤ Guanyin the Mercy-full
been thinking a lot about boundaries and their functions
hot contrarian take 🔥👌
boundaries miiiiight be bullshit
I honestly don't know anymore if acknowledging and reinforcing our boundaries is a good thing
I think they allow people to hide behind their pain and stick with their unprocessed shit by putting up the wall of "healthy boundaries"
what is actually healty?
what is actually unhealthy?
I do this all the time: in an effort to stop feeling uncomfortable with pain or my trauma or my tiggers or the more tender work needed to understand why I need the damn boundaries in the first place, I put up a boundary to have distance and not stay present
but I've been coming to this bigger question because my meditation practice and deep dives into Buddhism and Daoism are boundary dissolving to their core
to touch the infinite (in ourselves, others, the universe), we bring ourselves to the absolute brink (boundary of our comfort zone)
we feel out the limit and then we jump off the fucking cliff
THIS dissolution has always brought me CLOSER to life
I don't know if boundaries push us away from things-- maybe they bring us closer to ourselves, but I'm not so sure anymore
maybe it's about the container and the context
permeable boundaries with an abusive parent is a terrible idea, permeable boundaries when exploring the self is a good idea
is that even true?
I could make a case that the opposite could be helpful (I've learned a ton of valuable lessons wading in those waters)
and who is teaching us to turn boundaries on and off-- showing us when they're good to use and when they're not good to use
I see more and more people weaponizing their boundaries and their trauma-- which always seems so bound up, making them kind of untouchables, who are above feeling the human shit we are designed to feel
questions on my mind 🤷♀️
with Guanyin reminding me that ego is okay, pain is okay, confusion is okay, self righteousness is okay, boundaries are okay, no boundaries are okay, trauma is okay, bodies are okay, emotions are okay, mercy is okay, prostration is okay 👌 all is okay
grumpy nanny
real talk Friday
since we're in the "wellness space" I see SO MANY ads on this platform from food companies claiming that eating their food is THE THING that will set you on the right path
while scrolling before posting this I saw a smoothie company claiming that getting their pre-portioned blends delivered directly will really lead to a "healthier, more sustainable you"
a superfood company who advertises "life transforming results" while working with impossibly vibrant peeps to begin with
a supplement company who's adaptogenic blends will lead you to "radical self care"
all in the matter of a few minutes
dude 🤦♀️ inundation and manipulation
on the surface I get it... these statements are so supportive and so innocuous
I can't help but think that statements like these set us all up to fail because it leads us to believe that eating simple, straightforward foods and the DIY process are unattainable and untenable
something about their product contains the magic ingredient you need to unlock the purest, most vibrant version of yourself
they're are nothing more than slick marketing tactics for overpriced goods you could hack together on your own
just the opinions of a baker so take it with a grain of salt 🙋♀️🤣 because I'm still selling something too (wild abandon, if you must know)
but I see how this could really fuck with people's heads and lead them to mistrust what they're eating
so the only safe remedy is what someone else is selling
I'm in the hippie camp of still being transformed by the love infused in a nanny's nourishing soup or an herbalist in her garden pulling up remedies for her family
more real, less gloss
in the meantime I'll be channeling the simple decadence of Sicilian bakeries and the straightforwardness of Scandinavian kitchens
while being grumpy like my Nanny 😂
conflict with capitalism
key limes + sea salt + spring water = fermented Florida magic
Like usual decided to bury a more serious post in a simple one about preservation methods
I spend a ton of time in conflict with capitalism
Embracing the system has never been my thing, been a reluctant participant forever
I've always put the needs of our customers and the quality of the product in the forefront-- structuring the business around both and certainly over profit
The amount of bartering we do has always felt good and totally outside of the normal flow of capital
The farmers' market's seasonality gives us the ability to reorganize and reorient ourselves year after year which is totally different than the corporate approach of more more more
Happy Belly has been on the slow growth path and we've been largely okay with that over the last decade
But lately because of shortages and inflation I've been looking at capitalism differently
We're kind of fucked if this thing falls apart without something else in its place
It's a lemons into lemonade situation
Sucks but it's all we got on the large scale
With that said...
I thought becoming a business owner would give me the freedom that I needed to create the vision I had (what an ego 😆)
I thought owning a business would help me create a better work-life balance than when I was working with a super abusive boss (now I abuse myself working 7 days/week and 10hr+ shifts)
I thought owning a business meant that I could write my own rules (not exactly)
Gonna be honest [and I know my entrepreneur friends out there get this!] but this business has taken over our lives, our home, our conversations, our vacations, our finances
Sometimes it doesn't feel like freedom. Sometimes it feels like prison. And we've let it happen by giving so much of ourselves to it
Sometimes it feels like the righteous path and sometimes it seems like a fool's errand
Sometimes I'm jealous of 9 to 5ers
I'm pissed that this is the system we're stuck in and know that in order to get ourselves in a better position we have to learn how to play the game, diversify our revenue streams, and double down on investing in ourselves
Real cost of it all though 🤦♀️
letting go of re-invention
I've been slowly letting go of my own "re-invention" for something more liberating
it feels like an endless and addictive pursuit that is rooted in the simplest of truths: there is something wrong with me and I'm not good enough as I am, so I need to change
re-invention is a way to keep my drive toward perfection hidden because it passes as a skill set
a way to be "more conscious"
a better me
it has attainable goals
but lately I've been seeing that the goal posts are constantly moving
and I'm the one who moves them
I can see that re-invention and self-improvement keeps me in a place of judgment about my essential nature
it's become clear that it's all a wheel I'm very interested in stepping away from
I think I'm more interested in going deeper into who I am, as I am
the uncovering and remembering of things that I've lost along the way
the liberation of no goals is real
it means acceptance of the complicated messiness and flawless beauty that is MONICA
and shows me that I can be there for myself in a way that holds spaces for the complexity of life without thinking that another class, another mentor, another self-help book, another modality, another whatever has the answers to fix me
which just means having enough control over myself and circumstances that I avoid feeling pain 🤷♀️🤦♀️
the only truth that seems to exist is that there is nothing to fix
Florida has been helping unwind all of this stuff by showing raw, unfiltered, life-or-death nature at my footsteps
getting me face to face with shit that can kill me
so here is sweet Lily
patiently observing, knowing how/when to expend her energy, exploring and understanding her environment, being curious
characteristics that are counterintuitive to everything I've been taught
an intelligence that is effortless and all her own
🐊big gator energy these days🐊
