"to be yourself is all that you can do"
lyrics from @chriscornellofficial I have been coming back to just about everyday
I've been asking some deep questions when I have the presence of mind
Who are we when we strip away everything?
Who are we when we remove our masks for a bit and sit in the full honesty of our being?
How many people have seen this side of ourselves?
How many of us have even show it to ourselves?
Takes bravery (maybe foolishness too) to look that plainly at anything.
I've been sitting in this place for a bit.
When my son died I felt this expansive white pearl take shape in the core of my being. Everything I cared about-- all the hope, all the expectations for the future with him-- was gone. I was left with this indescribable vastness.
It was as if the birth and death and stripping away cleansed me in a way that nothing has before.
No medicine as strong as birth and death.
Instead of my son I was left with a purity of emptiness that was both so difficult and so beautiful to experience.
Like a sloughing off of an old life and an old story. Hard and tender. Nothing but supported love with open arms. The possibility of everything is in that space.
I felt the white pearl of emptiness again when I gave birth to Bea and when I lost my grandmother back in January.
Not as sharp but still showing and glowing and growing and saying:
This is you, at the core, without pretense. Standing in your strength and innocence and embodiment.
At some point I would like to share this with anyone who would like to sit with the pearl. Thinking a meditation-channeling session would suffice. But not sure how that looks yet. Offer is out there for anyone who wants to experiment and play.
Anyway, I've been taking time to myself late at night when things are quiet and I can think clearly. I've been creating spontaneous collages that act as visions that come to me when I'm in meditation.
Here is Amitabha with Everest and amethyst and lightening.
"Infinite light" among extreme circumstances
Feels right for right now
