next month is 19 years for @brandon.of.bjerke and I ❤
Admittedly we're not in the best of places these days
Kind of settled in the in-between place-- a lot of things up in the air and not quite sure WTF is going on with our dynamic
I heard from the ocean today: you are two wild hearts not meant to be tamed; the dance is difficult, never-ending in fact, like the tides; the only path to true liberation is through the balance of the love and the pain, which can be either love or pain if you stay bound to binary mindedness; expansion expansion expansion
What this all means? Who fucking knows 🤷♀️
But trying to live together, work together, raise a child together with all the expectations and boundary work required of two people can be utterly suffocating
Some days we flow, other days we fall (pretty spectacularly, too)
I've been thinking about love more than ever and the versions of love that I have experienced in partnership with Brandon
We joked today that we're on relationship number 5 with each other ❤ that's truly what it feels like
Our partnership is an ongoing, side by side evolution
However...
Giving space to your partner to find themselves, redefine themselves, break down old ways, and emerge new... phew, that is the hardest work of all
Scary shit for the partner making space
Pretty vulnerable work not knowing if each time your vision for the future will align or if your paths will diverge
The song Daredevil by Fiona Apple has a line I love: "I will try hard to hold on to you with open arms" 👌 that is it exactly
I think this is the magic sauce, at least for us-- the holding on and letting go of each other
...the trepidatious but wholehearted opening up to the new people each of us will become while together
... the knowing that we need to step off a cliff to find ourselves and in that terrifyingly freeing process becoming more whole and sovereign beings
...the not knowing what the future will bring or require from us and how much we were able to change for it
... the showing up because the love of and dedication to the next step on the path
In service to ourselves and each other, always
Anyway, big ocean medicine today. Going to bed.
