At acupuncture yesterday, I felt myself on the table but also outside of my body-- as if I was both a physical and a spiritual body experiencing and witnessing itself at the same time
Just before this I was doing some visualization work for my womb; to welcome back my cycle after recently having a miscarriage
I saw my womb as a giant shimmering cool glass bowl filled with fruits and veg
I moved my arms over the bowl to fill it and opened my arms away from the bowl to let it go-- intuitively mimicking the build up and flow of blood in the uterus
Taking in and letting out, infinite flow
Anyway the bowl turned into a woven basket
In that basket was the whole of my life represented as individually wrapped up items
I was shown all of "Monica"-- my experiences, my characteristics, my likes, my dislikes, my habits-- as things I can pick up and let go of whenever I want
I settled into my spirit body to feel what it was like without the attachments of self-- all those things that define me
There was a freedom and anxiety with letting myself exist in that space-- it felt like a jacket on a hanger in a closet not really being used and not really mine
I stuck with this to feel it out and then started asking questions about why I was anxious letting go of parts of myself
I felt pride well up in my chest about who I am and what I have been through in this life
None of these things really felt like they were weighing me down
They felt like old friends I never want to part with, but also a bit detached from
After session, I get in the car and start listening to Into the Wild by John Krakauer (just finished Into Thin Air!)
The story is about Christopher McCandless-- a 22yo who drops everything familiar (his life, his family, his possessions, even his name) to find himself. Krakauer describes dropping all the markers of "you" to get free, wild, transcendent experience
McCandless didn't have the best end, but weird and wonderful coincidences of timing after those transmissions on the acupuncture table
Will not be trekking into the Alaskan bush anytime soon 👌 rewild myself is the mantra though
Also: carrot + beet mochi sticky buns w/ pecan paste
