the moon, my man, and me: 2017

Holding conference under this big illuminated sky. Fireworks popping and echoing throughout the valley. The moon playing peek-a-boo with us and the clouds.

She reminds us of what we've lost. She reminds us of what we've gained. The places we've welcomed in and the places we've put to rest. We are in service of her. Held in her warmth and her glow, we are the stars under her spotlight. We honor what power she has and what power she stirs. Beastly beings, wild wombs, longing lovers.

Breathing her in and r e a c h i n g myself up-up-up. Trying to touch her rays, to become one with her magic, I am reminded of our journey together this year. Six moons ago I sat on our back deck bathed in her brightness. The wolf in me baying to her. Breathing out every intense contraction into her vast empty. Just waiting for our son to make his earthly appearance. Feeling close to her. Feeling close to him. Feeling protected by it all. Thinking it was just perfection.

The next morning he was gone.

I felt her wildness. I felt her sting. I felt her betrayal. I have been in recovery ever since-- teaching myself to trust her again, to feel warmed by her again, to soften enough to be held in her sacred embrace. The Mother of all Mothers.

Tonight the message that came through was that of indifference. A deep ancestral knowing. Here is our place: this is the way for us all. We live. We die. Their flow always hand in hand. Two lovers dancing into eternity. You can't have one without the other. The darkness of the new and the light of the full.

So we're entering 2018 with our full faces shining bright for all to see. Toes still dipped in our pain. Our hearts remain light. Our minds remain clear. We are grateful for it all.