We are all blessed with messages and downloads from the divine. My most cherished transmissions have come through rainbows.

I had recurring dreams as a child where I would walk a rainbow path to the clouds--- encountering family and strangers and animals and wondrous creatures who occupy this liminal space. It was my favorite.

Rainbow medicine has been very close to my heart since losing Callum. Rainbow memories have been flooding my mind. Special moments all punctuated by the appearance of this most magnificent mystery. All surrounding Callum's conception, growth, and death. Spirit punctuating our journey together through symbol.

Navigating grief is a bizarre journey. Navigating a full term stillbirth is a beast. A nightmare actually.

I thought the presence and prominence of rainbows throughout my pregnancy meant I would finally be able to bring through a baby after multiple physical and spiritual losses. I felt betrayed by my own medicine. I felt like I trusted something that was transitory in nature. I trusted a trickster. Something that appears and disappears without any care or attachment. It is indifferent to those who watch and hope and pray.

But it's good I see an other side.

Rainbows are both illusory magic and manifested magic existing side by side. It is individuation. It is integration. It is the divine brought to ground. Able to witness. Unable to get close. It's a different type of balance.

Rainbows have taught me to let go. To trust in right timing and right conditions even in my darkest days. I invited this piece into my kitchen (thank you @wideeyeddesigns 🙏) as a way to remind me to see myself as a rainbow. To open my heart. To grow as wide as the sky. To shine in both the boundless and bounded. To create magic in the rain and the sun--- the space between shadow and light, pain and joy. This is where my brilliance lies. This is where my hope lives. This is love. This is life.