I had a dream about my dad the other night
I was left with a handful of berries that he passed along to me. Teeny tiny berries, like the microsegments of raspberries
He let them pass between our hands and made sure to tend carefully to them so they didn't fall out of mine
I could feel how much my heart and body missed him, something I haven't felt with that purity in a very long time
In the dream I told my mother that I was scared because I didn't have much time left with him and that my memories were fading
She told me I was wrong. Wrong because he is woven into me. My existence is his legacy
When I woke up from the dream I wrote:
"We don't come out of life without being touched by death. In those moments that we're pushed to our breaking point-- the ones where we can't breathe because of the pain of loss-- we are forced to make a choice. The choice of building a life after or not. Everything that comes next is collaborative legacy. Theirs and ours."
This dream helped me see in a different way that I'm an expression of those who came before me. In genes, in story, and in spirit. Little treasures being passed down through some great expanse
We tend to turn away from the gifts that death brings, which makes understanding death really difficult
I'm starting to see that the life we weave together after our people are gone is a reflection of them and a moment of power
All the shifts and reorganizations that happen are because of them-- the precipice of it all. We become who we are because of who they were in life and how much the pain of their death has transformed us
Even in death our relationship still continues
Whether it's unraveling and replaying of our past together or simply having dreams. We can stay close
I'm seeing the magic that's woven between all of us through time and space. The separation seems like an illusion. We feel eternal
We have life and then we have death-- that's the obvious story, but there seems to be so much more happening in the quiet background of our experience
And that quiet background is where I'm playing right now
Trying to make sense of the fruits that get passed down from one hand to another 🤲
