eating noses

Things I'm reminding myself of these days: "viruses modulate the function and evolution of all living things"
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❤ our bodies are intelligently designed. The immune system is highly adaptive, vastly complex, and has a hand in co-creating our evolutionary path. Viruses are part of that because they have an integral role in our immune system regulation & function
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❤ our bodies are absorbing tens of billions of viruses every day by way of bacteriophages-- a variety of viruses are known to help keep our microbiome healthy and actually fight off harmful bacteria
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❤ viruses are part of the natural world-- we have been interacting with them since the start. They are everywhere-- the virosphere exists in everything from the soil to our intestines, from the sky to the oceans. They are the most abundant entity on the planet. They keep whole ecosystems in balance through their host-prey relationship
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❤ it is known that an ancient virus is responsible for human consciousness-- specifically though memory formation, nerve communication, and high order thinking. Between 40-80% of the human genome is thought to be linked to ancient viral "invasions"
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❤ our microbiome has it's own set of genes that supports our genes. We are more microbiome than human (57% micro to 43% cells). Our DNA is linked with their DNA
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❤ both the beneficial and negative effects of viruses are still quite a mystery. Scientific research is an evolving field-- in many ways we're waiting for the evolution of tech to help us understand this hidden world better. One thing has been sure: we don't know much about invasive viruses like COVID-19 and even less about the ones helping us
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❤ we are the descendants of survivors. WE are here because THEY lived. We are not outside of the viral world-- we have been shaped by it, changed from it, evolved with it
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❤ this all makes me feel better

sandcastles

agelessness: drippy sandcastles are my most favorite beach pastime 😄 I loved getting lost in the lines of sand and ocean that fell through my fingers each time I made these as a kid. It's a patient and quiet activity, which was good for someone who likes playing on their own 🙃😉 and it fed the dreamer in me, I dissolved into the magic of each pour

I haven't made them since I was little, and up until the other day, @brandon.of.bjerke had never made one

Revisiting these as an adult reminded me of all the time we spent stacking rocks after our son died. I built cairns to empty my mind and allow myself to understand nature in a deeper way-- to dissolve into the individual rocks. Their weight, shape, balance points, aesthetics, how they played with others, how they collapsed, how they were rebuilt. I would focus on the individual rocks and the overall structure I was creating. It was a way to honor life and it really helped me quiet my heart when my grief got very out of control

Our grief is high these days-- so we took to the sand to create this beautiful castle, just to wash away some of the worry we've been holding on to

It's a responsive way to play. Lots of observations and decision making at each step. You build and build. It topples. You readjust to the new shapes and then get on to rebuilding. Lots of letting go

After an hour of building, this baby got washed away and it became a big lesson on the impermanence of things right now

Let the shit be washed away, it said

We can always rebuild from the things that toppled, it said

The mistakes we make along the way will encourage us to find a new paths and better foundations to build on, it said

We will be more creative about the interplay of it all and allow the structure to form organically, it said

There is a Hawaiian creation chant (Kumulipo) that tells the story of how the universe was built on the collapse of the previous one. In the deep mists of time and the darkness of night, the new world was built 🌌 and from it, sprung life and infinite potential

So perfect RN 👌 and big ups to my mama @lindamariebunt for teaching me how to sit and create these beauts ❤ so many memories embedded in the sand

grandparents

been here just about a week and it feels like a lifetime has passed with everything that has changed ⚡ the pace of information is breakneck and the epinephrine dump is instant
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we both thought that we jumped the gun with shuttering the business early and coming out here ⚡ but it's clear that running a food establishment is dismal economics and questionable safety right now ⚡ we applaud those still in the fight and understand the ones who knew it was far beyond their comfort to stay open ⚡ many of us are broke, with no income on the horizon ⚡ but more importantly our future is uncertain
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@brandon.of.bjerke and I have always kept our business from getting too big and too far out of our reach ⚡ in times like these (have there been times like these 🤦‍♀️) it seems like a good decision to stay mom and pop ⚡ not live beyond our means

but the truth is that for the past year we've been trying to put bigger plans into play and just failing each step of the way ⚡ each and every bigger move we tried to make eventually fell through ⚡ in the past year we've looked at 9 potential business spaces
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but now, we're looking at things differently ⚡ the failures that sent me into an existential crisis and almost had us closing up shop, are now appearing as blessings
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before we left on our trip, we were in talks to buy a (very small and very affordable) building outside Hudson ⚡ took 10 weeks of negotiations to have the new Happy Belly project approved by the Greenport Planning Board ⚡ on the same day we got approval we also found out the owner decided to rent it out from under us ⚡ we were planning on making an offer that week
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had negotiations actually been streamlined (and Mercury not in RX for most of our talks), we might have a much larger debt load with absolutely no way to pay and a bunch of dead dreams ⚡ we could have been shouldering much more than we were capable of carrying ⚡ somehow it feels like the Universe intervened
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things feel so out of our control ⚡ but trust feels like the only way through ⚡ and settling into trust seems like the clouds settling into the ridges of the mountains ⚡ a resting place

rattler

snake wisdom for unstable times: we had insane turbulence on the flight to Oahu yesterday 😵 some of the worst I can remember experiencing and for almost a full hour. I really don't like flying and sitting there I could feel hormones flooding my system, just increasing my panic

I asked for guidance to help calm my nervous system. I felt the depth of my breath. The weight and rootedness of Bea in my arms. The sides of the seat, cushioning my back and booty. The sound of the flight attendants chattering like nothing serious was going on

And all of a sudden, like a fast strike, I remember the rattlesnake we encountered on our last hike in AZ, up in Superstition Mountains just beyond Phoenix

We had heard from a few people on the trail that, with the spring rain, the rattlesnakes would be out to mate, eat, and warm in the sun

A rattler is ALL I wanted to see on our trip

When I work with snake medicine in ceremony it almost always centers me in my heart. She is focused and serious, fully knowing truth from fiction-- almost sniffing it out and giving you no place to hide in yourself. She strikes fast and hard to remind us that fake shit is poison to our systems. Only pure hearts are allowed to rest with her

Her weapons and her blessings = her rattle and her strike

And meeting her on a trail, in our bodies, is something so different

Her rattle is what we encountered first. Bright, clear, and unmistakable. A quick warning that we're too close for her comfort. You respond by showing respect-- back up and watch what she does

Her movements are patient. Sliding into every nook and cranny along her path. Taking in all of her environment with the fullest range of senses-- it is a dance of survival and sovereignty

There is a weighted steadiness to her as she inches. Undeterred and unfettered by the pressures of the outside as if she has authority to keep moving

And you will honor her by moving the fuck out of the way-- slowly, totally assured, sensing all of your environment, and respecting a creature that can kill you with one bite

Flow= infinite wisdom + utter patience ♾

Human + snake becoming one on the path and on the plane 🙃

red rocks of sedona

Red Rocks of Sedona:
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😍 it might be a spiritual strip mall, but we loved Sedona
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🌈 when you're out on the trails and feeling the energy of the place, all the bullshit presumptions fall away and you truly begin to understand the magic and majesty imbued and embedded in these mountains
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🌌 we received deep healing here because we allowed ourselves to play in a way that our bodies have been longing for-- and we were able to get quiet enough to finally hear the call
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❤ we found every single person-- as unique and disparate as they could possibly be-- that we met on the trail were in touch with something deeper than themselves when walking this land; certainly something holy, something tender
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⛰ the overwhelming lesson I heard was: there are many paths up the mountain-- as long as we're making our way to the top, who fucking cares how we get there
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🙏 literal perfection to walk in that much grace and balance for 4 days; and a HUGE lesson in humility and being human